I had a plan...

That's right. I had a plan. I didn't plan to get pregnant, but when I found out I was, Justin and I sat down, and created a plan. We were going to have our healthy baby boy. We were going to use our wonderful tax return to take a vacation, pay off some bills, and have a nice nest egg. We were going to have a happy laid back life.

I read on another blog that if you want to hear God laugh, to tell him your plans.

How true is that? There is no real way I could have planned for this. I don't get my vacation, or my nest egg. The whole tax return went towards medical supplies, and Drew's hospital stay, and trying to stay afloat. My perfect baby - who is still perfect in my opinion - is not easy, or laid back. He requires every drop of my energy and attention. I have not even read a chapter in a book since he was born in one sitting. I barely eat (and still haven't lost all my baby weight -ugh) and peeing is like an olympic event - how fast can I get it in? I still have to turn on his feeding pump every 3 hours, and I haven't slept straight through a night in 9 weeks.

But you know what? I don't care. I had a friend tell me this past weekend that she looks up to me. It touched me, but it baffles me at the same time. Yes, my life is a little crazy. Yes, I've had to learn how to insert feeding tubes, and use apnea monitors. I've spent hours checking the levels of oxygen tanks, and watching his pulse ox levels drop into danger zones. But I don't know any different. And even if I did... would that change things? I don't think it would. And I don't think any of you would do anything any differently.

Yeah, my plans might have changed. Now I only plan one day at a time, and just hope to make it through without any major events. Now my whole plan revolves around keeping Drew healthy. It might be a crazy life, but its OUR life. And I love it. And thats all I care about.