Lazy Saturday...

...hanging out at JH with my littlest dude. Although I've been here over an hour, and he's been asleep the whole time. What a happy camper!

He was moved out of the PICU, and back to the Infant Intermediate Care Unit (I really just don't want to type "IICU" because it sounds like I am calling you gross, haha). He is doing AMAZING and his oxygen levels have not dropped below 100% (at least not any of the times I've been here). The nurses put him in his bouncer and turn on the vibrations, and he just sleeps the day away. Mommy wishes she could do that too!

I brought up the last of my freezer stash of breast milk with me. I was doing so well with pumping, and pumping more than he needed. But out of nowhere my supply has almost totally disappeared. Yesterday I pumped 60ccs the WHOLE DAY. To put it in perspective, he eats 75ccs every 4 hours. I have tried Fenugreek, I am drinking more water than I ever thought imaginable, I even got a prescription for something that stimulates milk production. I am just failing all around. But heaven forbid I sleep through a pumping session, because then I'll have leaked and soaked through my clothes, AND the bedsheets. Might as well just start wringing them out, it seems to be the only way I'll get enough milk to feed my baby.

Now, I'm not saying moms who formula feed are wrong - I am a believer in happy mommy = happy baby. But what would make THIS mommy happy would be breastfeeding. And since I clearly can't do that, I'd settle for a good pumping supply. I (personally) think formula looks too thick, and slightly gray-ish. Maybe my imagination, but oh well. I just don't want to feed it to Drew. I didn't get a natural, or even vaginal childbirth like I wanted... I don't have my baby home where he belongs... can't I catch a break and have a good milk supply? I'm hoping my supply comes back up soon!

In other news, Parker is on the road, being taken back to his mother. I already miss him. He was so out of sorts yesterday - but he always is when he knows he is going home to her. He hates leaving his Daddy, and he just doesn't understand. Granted once he sees his mom, he's fine and as far as I know, happy and transitions fine. But its the day or two beforehand when he knows he leaving that he's a wreck. Which just breaks my heart. I love him so much, and I really wish things were different. Hopefully in the next few years when Drew is done with his surgeries, we will be able to move to AR to be closer to him. That was our goal for this year, but clearly that option went out the window when we realized we needed specialists. And living so close to JH... its a blessing.

Geez, Drew is still asleep. Do they make bouncers for adults? I could use a good nights rest...